Friday Five Meme for today

Courtesy of the fridayfive livejournal community and hat tip to catdraco.

1. What's one of the nicest things a friend has ever done for you?

This is hard. I think the moment I'll always remember was when I was married to my ex-husband. We were living in Germany and he was off on one of his more troublesome binges and had gotten himself into MP custody. My neighbour, who wasn't a friend as much as the husband of a friend, drove me to where he had left our only car so that I could have the car to find out what was going on. When we'd gotten there, I'd thanked him again, feeling ashamed and embarassed to have to trouble people at 5am for personal problems. He said, "My father was an alcoholic so I know what it's like. Let me know if you need anything."

While the Army was blaming me for not being able to control my husband or "causing" him to drink and beat me - whatever it was that they thought was my fault about his behavior and choices - it was a wake-up to have someone say what was going on and have such empathy. Many of my friends have done stunningly wonderful things throughout the years, both before and after this moment and I can overwhelm readers with a list of just a portion of it all. Friends can be incredible individuals and their selflessness and thoughtfulness can really take my breath away. There was just something about this moment that was so necessary that I'll never forget it.

2. What's one of the nicest things a stranger has ever done for you?

"Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." Blanche DuBois, Street Car Named Desire.

I don't ask anything of strangers outside of photography needs. There have been many times when strangers have stopped to help change a tire, jump a battery, push my car out of a mud puddle (or try to push it from a snowbank), give a tow, help lift something heavy into my car, point out a rainbow, or generally make my life easier and more enjoyable. Mind you, all of these instances have been men but there was no ulterior motive since no phone numbers were offered or any of that... although there has been that a time or two, but I'm not counting those times. I still remember the guy in the suit and tie who taught me how to pump gas at the Speedway when I was a sixteen year-old new driver and was fumbling through the steps. I'm not sure what it is about me that sends out the Damsel In Distress alarm or what would bring someone to think that, out of a parking lot full of people, I'd be the one to share a rainbow sighting with. But I appreciate it just the same.

3. What is a trait in another person that you instantly admire, and that draws you to them?

I love confidence, sarcasm and openness. When I meet someone in person, I will like them instantly if they're nice people. And I aim to like people so I'm looking for the nice. When I like them, I treat them the same whether I've known them five minutes or fifteen years. When someone can be open like that, or even moreso, I love that. It means we're on the same page. Sarcasm is just a humour preference. If someone is sarcastic, they will appreciate a lot of my jokes and that's important to me. I love to make people laugh and I like big smiles. And confidence speaks for itself. I'm really drawn to people who know who they are and can carry themselves well. I don't always have confidence and I admire people who do.

4. What is a trait in another person that instantly repels you, and prevents you from forming a close relationship with them?

Stand-offishness, selfishness, cruelty... the basics. I don't like mean people. Being antisocial, or stand-offish, isn't really mean but I interpret the indifference that comes with that, the ignoring that people do as a part of it, as mean and disrespectful. I don't want to be treated that way. 

5. Time to vent: tell us about something rotten someone has done to you.

I really try to forget things like that. There have been things from time to time where someone is inexcusably rude or someone just has a piss poor attitude, but even when something is acted out directly against me, I don't really consider it my problem as much as it's their problem for being such an asshole. I have the easy part, which is forgetting they exist, whereas they have to live with themselves, which is much harder. Don't get me wrong, things do hurt me (probably more than they should) but I don't see the productivity in hanging out dirty laundry.