Tommy Portrait May 27 2008 - for web

Back to work on Tuesday. It's that predictable time when I'm sore so I just got the household basics and shopping done. I took the time to get done the legal things I need to get done so my attorney can make appropriate adjustments. I need to make this a part of my tax routine every year since it's something that recurs every year until my daughter is grown. I like things simple but it seems like it can never be simple. Somebody always tries to get away with something to cheat the other parent, instead of thinking about what's best for the kid. It just causes more unnecessary work for everybody.

I did take a proper portrait of Tommy, as displayed above, and we ordered prints through SnapFish.

We're having Tommy's birthday at the end of the week, a full month before his actual birthday, to make sure everyone is present and involved. My youngest step-daughter should also be here so here's hoping for a happy party Saturday.

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Sarasota County Robert L. Anderson Administration Center

With a sinus cold, I appeared with counsel to my pre-trail hearing for this darned Domestication to finally get this Judgment Order from the previous marriage into the jurisdiction that's actually applicable to Michael and Eddie. There was nothing to the hearing, just setting the date, so that was easy enough. I took photos of the grounds while I was there until my energy gave out.

South County Building - entrance garden

When I got home, I was pleased to find that my macro, wide angle and telescopic lenses had finally arrived. I wasn't too thrilled with this eBay seller since they took over five business days to ship the lenses that I had paid for immediately using Paypal. Also, a little bubblewrap wouldn't have hurt anybody. I'll make the feedback positive because I am happy with the products, but I do have to note my disappointment in the delayed shipping.

We watched the American Idol finale, although we barely watched any of the episodes and never vote on such a silly thing. It was nice that the rocker took it, instead of the ballad-singing fetus. I'm biased because I just liked Cook's voice better. I wasn't the only one, apparently.

Bailey is looking forward to the next round of So You Think You Can Dance starting up tomorrow night. She has another special event going on tomorrow evening, too. I'm hoping Bailey continues to be a person of a particular personality and talent that is always included in these extra school events. It'll keep her motivated and give her unique memories.

I played with my macro a little bit tonight. Since light boxes can be made inexpensively, without having to shell out $100 to Ritz Camera to buy one, that's on my project list... or Tom's honey-do list.

Thumbdrives

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Caloosahatchee Bridge

I had to go to Fort Myers today for a legal/mediation thing because Bailey's father is incapable of adult discussion and would rather spend thousands on an attorney than act mature and (maybe) pay off some of those mounting child support arrears with his hard-earned part-time minimum wage Office Maxx money. So we had the obvious discussions that could've happened on their own for free if his head had not been lodged up his ass, changed the Agreement a little to compensate for any future incidents of his head/ass lodging, and moved on with our lives.

Anyway, I took some time to walk around downtown amidst the continued [re]construction. It brought back some memories.

Lee County Commissioner building

This is where I used to work. Technically, I worked on the other side of this historical building, in a building that was built attached to it for the offices of the Clerk of Courts. As a minutes secretary, I would record the minutes of all Lee County Commissioner meetings, which would take place in this historical building.

French Connection

The French Connection is a little restaurant where Tom and I had our first lunch date. It was also our first date that wasn't scheduled around the convenience of our evening college classes. We'd actually made time for each other. I didn't eat much because I was nervous. He ate fine. This is a popular spot for downtown employees to get a nice, sit-down lunch in a mid-range price that can offer a bit of quiet.

Main Street Parking Garage stairwell

I parked in the Main Street Parking Garage "borrowing" Tom's city parking card and descended down this steep stairwell every morning. This is a couple blocks from the old Courthouse, where I worked, and is almost right across the street from the big antique shop that you can get lost in for hours at a time.

Ichibans

Tom and I had a lot of dinner dates, and a few lunches, at Ichibans Sushi Restaurant off of Dean St. They also deliver to the downtown area. As you walk down Dean Street, you're greeted by this open furnished courtyard. There's also a a bakery here.

Centennial Park - Uncommon Friends

The statues of Ford, Edison and Firestone engaged in casual conversation are at the entrance of Centennial Park along the Caloosahatchee River. It was around these gentlemen that Tom and I had our commitment discussion. We had scheduled to meet each other here for "a very important talk" and he arrived before me. I remember pulling into a front space and seeing him seated in one of the surrounding benches looking very nervous. Fortunately, our discussion was very different than what he had feared it would be.

The shelter area of this park is where the local drum circle meets every Saturday evening.

Harborside event center

The Harborside Event Center is where Tom went on a lunch break during a wedding expo to find a vendor for my engagement ring... and did. I don't know if I'm supposed to know that or not, but I do.

I took more images than merely those that triggered memories, and you can see them in the Fort Myers, FL flickr set.

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Jasper County Courthouse and Bell

We ran two hours behind schedule since my ex-husband decided to play games to an extent where the police had to help return the boys. It's both fortunate and unfortunate that this happens so often that the boys aren't intimidated by the police. It's just a regular thing for them. I thank God that the police in my ex-husband's town have always been very helpful and concerned.

We left at 5:30pm Eastern time. We stopped in Murfreesboro, Tennessee at 11pm at the Days Inn. I had a heck of a time trying to find a hotel with a double room. A Holiday Inn north of Nashville tried to sell me the same suite we ended up in at the Days Inn for over $100 (before tax). The room we had was still expensive and over-budget but I got it for $80 so hey.

We left the southern Nashville suburbs around 10am and got home at 11:30pm with an eighth of a tank left. It rained from southern Georgia all the way down to North Port. Traffic ran smoothly, for the most part, and we didn't have any of the delays that we had traveling north.

Fuel was more expensive. In northern Florida, it cost me $3.55/gal. That's the most I've ever paid in my life.

Food costs for the return trip total $25; Hotel cost: $92; Fuel: $160; Total Return Trip: $277

Total Travel Expenses: $497

Total Trip cost with expenses during the week, including top-up cards: $902

If I didn't have to top-up my phone twice to deal with the problems my ex-husband caused, I would have been below $850.

Tom's taken Michael and Eddie to the Florida International Air Show again this year. They'll be gone all day as long as the weather cooperates.

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I HATE SNOWBIRDS!

*cough*

We left at 8:45am Eastern. We crawled from Tampa until I-24. We went an average of 40mph between Macon and Atlanta and never went over 85mph! I couldn't trust the snowbirds not to jump ahead of me in the fast lane just to slam on the brakes for no reason. I was four hours behind schedule so I drove until 11pm to get us to Cave City, Kentucky. Because I'm in a tourist town, the hotel cost over $70. The other places were full and I didn't feel like driving until the next exit. I filled up the tank three times: Lake City, FL; somewhere inbetween Macon & Atlanta, GA; Franklin, KY (or close to it). This tank should get me to Indianapolis, if not all the way.

I cannot afford the gas to stop anywhere extra there or back, as much as I want to.

Cost totals for Day 1:

food - $13; fuel - $102 (still on full); hotel - $72

Other stuff happened today that's non-trip related that's worth telling but I'm just too tired to get into it. Let me sum up to say: My stupid ex is stupid and the people who like my photos rock my world.

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St. Maximilian Kolbe Catholic Church - Memorial Garden angel statue

The baby and I stopped by St. Maxmilian Kolbe Catholic Church off Spears St. in Port Charlotte to take a few pictures this morning. Here's a few more pictures:

The children having cameras is one of the best things to have happened to this family. They love to capture and be creative, and they have something tangible for their efforts. There are times when Michael and I can just walk around the neighbourhood and shoot whatever we see.

In personal news, I've spoken with my attorney today and feel more comfortable. Wednesday should go as planned, although I'm still not entirely clear on the details but I'll work with it all when I get there. St. Valentine's Day is Thursday and planning for Eddie's birthday party next Saturday begins tomorrow. He's given a final answer on a theme, Transformers, so I start shopping and making commitments. I snagged a wide-angle lens and a telephoto lens for my camera off eBay and am looking forward to their arrival.

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Bailey shows off her family drawing

The teacher labeled the people, including several non-existent pets that were included at the bottom of the picture that weren't in frame of the photograph. Bailey added her father as an after-thought, which is why he doesn't have a label. Seeing him as an after-thought for her when asked to create a family picture, and seeing how she'd deliberately left him off her Family Tree project, makes me wonder what she is responding to. I've had continuing problems with him and his wife doing the whole ugly parent alienation thing and, what's more is he's paranoid about what I'm saying about him to a point where he's accusing me of things I've never said or done. Apparently, asking my daughter how her weekend was is a horrible, awful thing that's done for the sole purpose of hurting him... not because I missed my daughter and want to hear about her weekend away from home or anything. I'm telling ya.

Bailey's father's inability to act responsibly has become a problem. Every simple matter is complicated for the sake of creating an argument until it becomes absolutely necessary for me to just make a decision rather than consult with him and reach a compromise through mature discussion. I offered him Christmas 2007 because the travel during the holidays had postponed our Christmas celebration. Instead of taking it, he argued with me, made a lot of unnecessary conditions, and then accused me recently of never allowing him to have extra time with our daughter. His lack of financial responsibility was supposed to end when he signed the Income Deduction Order but then has refused to hand the IDO to his employer, prefering to pay child support mid-month at less than the ordered amount. Every issue is an argument where he wants to include a dozen or more irrelevant and bizarrely misinterpreted issues, and it just becomes a big, unproductive headache.

Parking lot line

Our visitation pick-up/drop-off is exactly in between the two residences, because he claimed he couldn't spare the fuel or time expense to pick her up from or drop her off at her home, but continuously comes up to my home, or meets at her school which only a mile away for extra, unnecessary things that he decides have to be discussed face-to-face. Their popular recreational spot is South Venice Beach, which requires going past my home. He refuses to take her to CCD on Sunday so she must go on Wednesday, making it impossible for Michael and Eddie to participate in Scouts, because he has his own church functions, but has stopped going to church since the agreed order was entered and appearances were no longer necessary. She's often dressed inappropriately, given worn handmedowns and used toys from her step-sister while her step-sister receives new, left unwatched and unattended, he neglects to comply with the telephone visitation that's been ordered, and her hair is cut unevenly by her step-mother to "get even with" me over some photo album that's not even here (but apparently I've hidden it). It gets more and more insane.

I just don't agree with having Shared Parental Responsibility, which is called Joint Legal Custody everywhere else, because of the sheer impossibility of dealing with this man about any issue. He seems so preoccupied with making sure he gets his, or that everything is cut down the middle according to his perception, that he completely misses what's best for Bailey. And if Bailey's considers him outside of her family... what am I fighting to accomplish?

And to lighten the mood, here's a picture of my dog:

Indiana

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So, stepdaughter2's mom has decided that she's not receiving child support, even though Tom's check stubs reflect that it is being withdrawn and paid. Another lie. She's using this lie to justify denying visitation. In the time that I have known her, facts have never meant much to this woman.

Another attorney, another legal action. At least this is an enforcement based on her violation, which means she will pay his legal fees. It's a small compensation for the trouble of missing so much time with his daughter. In addition, we can probably get the child support reduced.

She's "allowing" her to come see her father starting Thanksgiving evening if we go all the way up to her home by Largo to pick her up. She won't meet us half-way. This means she won't get to see any of her aunts and uncles that are here for Thanksgiving. Last year, this stepdaughter was dropped off on Thanksgiving evening. I can't name a single holiday that she's gotten to spend with her father. Her mother will answer to the Judge on that count, too.

Ego doesn't mean much when a judge decides he doesn't like the games you're playing with your daughter's life and her right to see her father, with whom there is joint custody.

On the bright side, we finally get to celebrate her birthday... that was October 25th. I'm not baking the cake until she's physically here, for obvious reasons.

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Today will henceforth be known as The Day I Got My Way... For The Most Part.

More importantly, things are as they should be, although I firmly believe one's incredible talent to prove beyond doubt to others that one is incompetent shouldn't grant one lienency or lessen one's financial obligations. Of course, I have more to say but none of it is very polite. My attorney did do a very good job. Life resumes as normal tomorrow, with a flutter of preparations for school parties and Halloween.

I arrived earlier than planned in downtown Fort Myers, so I parked in Main Street Parking and decided to wander. The first thing someone sees after emerging from the stairwell is the Antique Shop on the corner of Main and Hendry. With ninety minutes to spend, I wandered inside. I 'oo'ed and 'ah'ed at the precious few Roaring Twenties period pieces, all of them hats with one framed print. I was too short to see if the print was for sale behind those hats. I had enormous coveting over the knit flapper hat, which was a startling $95! Worth every penny, I'm sure, but I simply couldn't part with the pennies. A curious thing was the incredible amount of Irish-related and leprechaun items scattered throughout the shop. The most curious was a tic-tac-toe board with leprechaun figurines for "X's and pots of gold for "O"s. It was like some horrible tacky American-version of an Irish pub threw up all over the shop.

Before I'd known it, I'd spent all 90 minutes in the shop, so I hurried off to be where I needed to be. I realise that images of the parks along the Caloosahatchee River and maybe some of the cypress tree outside the Old County Courthouse would have been nice, but something happens in that Antique Shop and its endless passages, stuffed rooms and shelves, that just makes time disappear. When I emerged from the Castle, or the County Administration East Building, it was rush hour and a pedestrian is suicidal to walk towards Centennial Park during rush hour. So, back to the Main Street Parking I went, and cleverly taking the Edison Bridge out of Fort Myers, I returned home swiftly and safely.

Downtown Fort Myers has changed significantly enough to mention it, since the last time I'd spent any serious time down there... which was January 2005. The Justice Center dwarfs the Castle and the Harborview Center. I'd say something negative about it but the condominiums that have sprouted up along the river caught my attention far more. They block the view of charming buildings and landscaping and distract from the beauty of the river and while the Justice Center's expansion isn't aestetic, it has a purpose that has little to do with greed. It's really shocking. It almost makes me grateful that Port Charlotte and North Port are sleepy by comparison.

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Airman First Class Cassandra Hernandez was gang raped by fellow airmen while at a party near her base, Pope Air Force Base in Fayetteville, North Carolina. She reported the case immediately and was medically examed by the hospital, where she then received appropriate treatment. AFC Hernandez was then interrogated by her superiors, all without the presence of a victim advocate as per USAF policy, until she made the decision not to testify against her attackers. This is a decision that many rape victims make, even the ones who have evidence and witnesses, because the current judicial system, even for civilians, is unrelentingly harsh on rape victims. Given the circumstances and threats given by the USAF to AFC Hernandez, her decision to recover from her trauma without ligitation is sadly not surprisingly.

The USAF has validated claims of AFC Hernandez's rape and evidence supports the claim of gang rape. The claim of gang rape was never contested and was not pursued only because AFC Hernandez felt unable and unsafe to proceed and testify against her attackers.

In return to her decision to not put herself and her sexual history on trial for being raped, the USAF is now charging her with indecent acts and underaged drinking and providing immunity to her attackers to testify against her.

AFC Hernandez now faces imprisonment for up to one year, dishonourable discharge and registration as a sex offender if found guilty for her own rape.

Write your Representatives and your Senators, as well as your State Governor.

Hat tip to The Social Commentator [here].

Sources:

http://www.kvue.com/news/state/stories/080107kvueairforce-eh.d0a50cd9.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/08/07/AR2007080701595.html?hpid=moreheadlines

http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=triangle&id=5546973

An interesting piece by Shakespeare's Sister discusses the sickening theme in the treatment of rape victims in the USAF: The Air Force's Rape Culture and contains a link to the Feministing.org article [here].

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